The View says goodbye to their “Survivor” co-host Elisabitch Hasselbeck after a notorious sex scandal where videos of her sexual escapades with various Fox News anchors were found on her work computer. Barbara Walters has indicated that it’s not a big deal and that Elisabeth should consider using AstroGlide in her next videos.
Miley Cyrus is not one to shy away from publicity. With all the attention she has garnered by her critically acclaimed modern dance performance at the VMAs, she has announced her bid to run for president. Obama reportedly wishes her luck and shared a brief congratulatory hug with her father Billy Rae Jepsen.
Where are Obama’s balls, you ask? Well, we found them!! Here you can see that Putin has extracted Obama’s balls and is playing with them along with the neighborhood children.
Now that Tyra Banks has opened up her auditions for America’s Next Top Model to include male models, her first sign-up for the celebrity edition is none other than Vlad Putin. Here he is in one of his portfolio shots showing off his guns. His presence will revolutinize the TV show and bring a new demographic of fans; mainly aging Russian housewives stuck in Jersey and waiting for their beef stroganov to finish cooking.
This passed week, John Kerry joined his Russian counterpart in diplomatic discussions focused on what to do about Syria. Betty White, of Golden Girls fame, joined in the festivities. Here she is wearing her Dolce Gabana sunglasses, looking as hot and sexy as ever.
In what is thought as a predominantly liberal, left-leaning country, Canada has unfortunately been host to the evil skank Ann Coulter this week. Surprisingly, but not surprisingly, her speaking engagement in Calgary was met with little protest and what seemingly played out as an endorsement. It’s a sad occasion in a series of unsettling events that indicate that Canada may be leaning more towards the right. In a day and age where Democrats south of the border are being ridiculed as socialists, Canadians are privy to a culture of nouveau right-wing Christian-led conservatism. Luckily, Abstraction Reaction moved south just in time!!!
Although she has profusely denied that she has plans to run for Senator in Massachusetts, here at Abstraction Reaction, we fully support a bid by Rachel Maddow to dethrone Scott Brown from his Senate seat! Go Rachel!!!! We thinks we will add her to a new list of Sexay Senators!!! Awesome.
Here’s a video showing George Bush wiping his hand off on Bill Clinton’s back after shaking hands with a Haitian. Enjoy!
Meghan McCain, daughter of John McCain, has been making quite the stir in the political world. She claims to be a Republican and has openly criticized the party in the hopes of reform. She writes for the Daily Beast and has lately been a target for extreme right-wing political commentators. They have insulted her intelligence, her femininity, her integrity and her weight. She has rebuttled by saying “Kiss my fat ass!” Nicely said! I actually think that all the right-wing crazies are a bit jealous of the attention that she is getting and the fact that she is sexy hot and smart. Nonetheless, she would make an awesome plus-size model.
Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina (shown below), had requested to use one quarter of S.C.’s federal stimulus money to pay down state debt. This was rejected as the funds are intended for education and public works expenses. Sanford, a staunch right-wing Republican, has been one of the most outspoken against the stimulus package. Could this be due to his aspirations to lead the Republican party? Maybe. In all likelihood, he knew his requests would be rejected, his state would get the money and he would look like a maverick. What’s sad is that he was willing to jeopardize much needed money for the people of S.C. to get ahead politically. Poor bastards. They’re already at the bottom of the totem pole economically, not too mention genetically. So sad.
We couldn’t believe this when we saw it. But, it comes from a very credible source, that being ET Online (haha!). Apparently, Cindy McCain, the most convincing tranny married to a Republican, actually considered going on the show Dancing with the Stars. But alas, she has a bad knee. That didn’t stop Heather Mills from dancing, and she only has ONE knee!!! Cindy McCain: you is a wuss!!!!!!
Hillary Clinton sure knows how to rock the casbah!!! She’s been on a whirlwind of a trip that includes the Middle East and Europe. I wonder if she eats the little nuts on the flights? Likely, she has a private jet, right? Maybe they serve her special nuts with special coatings that make them taste like scrumptralescence!!! In this economy, we thinks that she should fly coach.
Ok, we lied. There’s no party. But Faux News has a story running about Obama repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Basically, before Clinton, all gay people were banned from the military. Bill Clinton thought that he could make some progress by changing the laws such that gays could be in the military as long as they don’t reveal their sexuality. Well, this has turned out to be less than advantageous for both the military and gays. What’s alarming in the article is this notion that lifting the Clinton-era policies (and hence allowing openly gay people to serve) would make the military a big fag-fest. This is such bull shit. Do the old douche bags that took part in the military poll actually think that gays will flock to the military like they do to a Cher concert? This seems sooooo unlikely. Just another example of right wing crazies and a conservative agenda at Faux News!
Dick Cheney will be giving his first interview this weekend since leaving the puppetier, er, I mean, VP’s office. Seriously, does Dick really think anybody wants to hear what he has to say, let alone NOW? Sure he can trash talk both Bush and Obama now that he has nothing to lose but his integrity. What we’d like to hear are about all the sexy times he had in the White House. He should write a tell-all book about his sexcapades in the VP office. Oh wait, he shoots off pellet guns because he has no schlong. My bad.
Awesome. Just awesome! Obama has decreed that the NIH can start funding more stem cell research, critical science that was held back by GWB! Even Nancy Reagan and Republican congress-people supported the reversal of policies. If only we could reverse all of George Bush’s crazy-ness from over the years. To celebrate his awesomeness, here’s an Obama nudie pic!
Ok. so the Obama-yardigans are not getting a pet pig instead of a puppy. They aren’t get a pet just yet. What they are getting is a new swing set. Now, get your mind out of the gutter. We are not speculating that the “Obama girl” of youtube fame is becoming a swinger. Rather, the Obama kids are getting a play set to enjoy, within sight of the Oval office. What’s interesting is all the negative comments on this story posted on CNN. Right-wing crazies are out in full force! Geez, they’re kids.
Megyn Kelly, the demur Faux News anchor shown on the right, has a problem with PETA showing two women kissing in their titilating ads. PETA says that the ads work and people shouldn’t be so uptight. Perhaps Megyn’s homophobia is rearing its ugly head. We would not be surprised if Megyn herself has taken part in some girl on girl action or even a threesome. Megyn’s job is to be the mildly articulate, semi-hot conservative anchor on Faux News and she has to over-react to such things; it’s her job. We just are concerned for her emotionally because after years of doing this, the lack of integrity may cause her to go crazy. We’d love for a Megyn Kelly sex tape to surface; showing her getting on with another woman of course!
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