The New Sexy Hot Abstraction Reaction Poll…

Here’s our new poll!  Have fun!

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Dick Cheney talks Bush, guns and sexy times!

Dick Cheney will be giving his first interview this weekend since leaving the puppetier, er, I mean, VP’s office.  Seriously, does Dick really think anybody wants to hear what he has to say, let alone NOW? Sure he can trash talk both Bush and Obama now that he has nothing to lose but his integrity.  What we’d like to hear are about all the sexy times he had in the White House.  He should write a tell-all book about his sexcapades in the VP office.  Oh wait, he shoots off pellet guns because he has no schlong.  My bad.

McCain Uncertain Regarding Huckabee’s Support

Mike Huckabee, white Republican and former presidential contender, has shown his support for John McCain. McCain, however, is unsure whether Huckabee’s support will help or hurt his campaign. McCain staff have suggested sending Mike overseas to campaign for McCain to Americans abroad, like in Kazakhstan.

The Sexy, Hot Conservative Poll

Poll: Who is the hottest conservative?

• Cindy McCain
• Ann Coulter
• Robert McAllister
• Rona Ambrose
• Mike Huckabee

Status:

Cindy McCain – Republican supporter and wife of John McCain

Ann Coulter – Republican supporter and “author”

Robert McAllister – Senator and Republican presidential nominee

Rona Ambose – Conservative Party of Canada, Member of Parliament

Mike Huckabee – Republican presidential nominee

Huckabee seen in the unemployment line

Huckabee’s out of a job.  What to do? Here’s a top ten list of jobs he’s most qualified for:

10. Dishwasher at the San Antonio McDonald’s

9. Online marriage counsellor

8. Member of the Psychic Friends Network

7. Stage hand at the “Puppetry of the Penis”

6. Back-up singer for Britney Spears

5. Science teacher in Florida

4. Perez Hilton blog consultant

3. Calvin Klein underwear model

2. John McCain’s jock strap cleaner and personal waddle tightener

1. Evolutionary biologist at the University of Texas

Huckabee finally admits it: the world is round!

Huckabee finally bows out of the Republican primaries, after his adversary John McCain clinches the weiner ride. Huckabee has his eyes set on studying evolutionary theory and world roundness.

John McCain to win: Texas style!

John McCain could very well clinch the Republican nomination tomorrow with major primaries being held in both Texas and Ohio. Huckabee, being the right-wing crazy that he is, refuses to back out of the running. What would be cool is a McCain – Huckabee double bill so that blogs could continue to enjoy the comedic trope that is the Republican Party!