Archive for the 'Barack Obama' Category



22
Mar
08

Hillary Leads in Poll of Pennsylvania Dutch Feminists

Hillary Clinton has more than doubled her lead over Barack Obama in a recent Pennsylvania poll.  It looks like the controversy over Obama and his pastor may have hurt his popularity.  The League of Pennsylvania Dutch Feminists is currently having a bake sale where proceeds will go towards the Clinton campaign.

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21
Mar
08

Hillary’s Little Girl Campaigns for Barack Obama

21
Mar
08

Oprah Loses Control!!!

A recent Oprah audience member has filed a law suit claiming injury when she was trampled on by the talk show’s live audience when they all ran for the best seats. Oprah, who has tried to control the Democratic election by campaigning for Barack Obama, can’t even control her own audience. Unfortunately, the buxom Oprah did not break the injured woman’s fall by acting as a fluffy pillow at the bottom of the stairs.

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21
Mar
08

Obama wants a Probe!

Attention! High Alert! There has been a security breach. Our passport files have been attacked!!! Obama calls for an investigation into a passport breach at the State Department. Now they will find out about all the muslim countries that he has visited!

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14
Mar
08

Hillary Clinton Recites “I Have a Dream”

Geraldine Ferraro, a former New York congresswoman working on the Clinton campaign, suggests that Barack Obama is in his position because of his colour, and no other reason. Clinton “rejected” and “repudiated” the comments and has sent Ferraro to Oklahoma to attend sensitivity training with Sally Kern.

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14
Mar
08

Obama Finally Caught in Sex Scandal

Jennifer Garner is fuming after torrid photos of Ben Affleck and Barack Obama have surfaced. Their eyes being closed in a romantic embrace; it’s clearly love. The planned Obama rally in Boston, organized by Garner and Affleck, may be in jeopardy!

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14
Mar
08

Obama Denounces, Rejects, Refuses and Declines…

Does Hillary Clinton have it easier in this campaign than Barack Obama because she is white?  This crazy talk comes from a Chicago pastor supporting the Obama campaign.  Obama has denounced such crazy talk, but not before having very close associations with it.  This comes in a long string of people that Obama has had to distance himself from.  It makes us wonder the kind of people supporting him.  Case in point, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are hosting a scientology dinner for him in Boston.

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14
Mar
08

Obama Distances Himself From Jesus

Barack Obama is distancing himself from his own pastor after he makes ridiculous comments about 9/11. Apparently, America brought the tragedy onto itself. Obama is also considering declaring the Earth non-flat and is about to denounce misogynist comments made by one of his campaign managers, Ann Coulter.

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11
Mar
08

More evidence that Republicans are cheap bastards…

So McCain has won the nomination of his party.  The Earth is again flat and we didn’t evolve from a common ancestor as apes.  I get it. But Republicans are such cheap bastards.  Both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have raised more money than John McCain.  As the Republican making a run for the White House, he is now left scrambling trying to raise some funds.  To put it in perspective, McCain has raised about 25% of the funds that either Clinton or Obama have raised.  McCain needs help, and fast.  I don’t even think his hot, sexy, younger wife can help him now.  However, it is not all lost.  Here are some suggestions for the Republicans to raise some dough:

1. Have a bake sale.

2. Sell chocolate bars that say “Vote for McCain”

3. Solicit campaign funds on perezhilton.com

4. Auction off McCain’s wigs.

5. Ask the Bushes for a loan from their rich oil friends.

We hope this helps McCain.  If you have trouble seeing the list, let us know and we’ll make the font bigger.

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10
Mar
08

Dream Ticket

Clinton’s been talking about a Dream Ticket with her as president and Obama as Vice-President.  Well, Obama will have no such thing.  Do you think he let’s Michelle ever go on top?  We always had him pinned as a conservative missionary position type of guy.

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09
Mar
08

Obama takes it off!

As we mentioned in an earlier post, Barack Obama may resort to nudity to get attention focused back on him. As predicted, Obama will now be going topless for the remainder of the campaign.

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09
Mar
08

Obama is a Republican’s wet dream!

Obama has garnered the Wyoming delegates. Interestingly, Wyoming, the least populous state is also a Republican hot bed. They haven’t voted for a Democrat president in over 40 years. George Bush also had his highest voter percentage in Wyoming when elected. It’s interesting to note then that such a conservative arena favours Barack Obama. Could it be conservative misogyny at work? Does Obama actually seem more Republican than Clinton? It’s not clear. However, perhaps Barack could retire to Yellowstone National Park if he doesn’t win the rest of the country.

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08
Mar
08

Sex in the White House

The recent battle between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination has fired up controversy on many levels. Voting is at an all time high and emotions, along with mud slinging, have been sinusoidal. What is becoming apparent, at least to some, is that perhaps sexism is one of the few allowable bigotries in society. Hillary Clinton has faced much more scrutiny than Obama during this entire process. This is has been linked to her being a woman. I say let’s drop all kinds of bigotry and for the run to the White House, let’s bring sexy back and make “Woman” the new “Black”!

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08
Mar
08

The Democrats and Karma Sutra…

It’s amazing how the recent Democratic leadership race has turned the candidates against each other.  Just last summer they seemed quite chummy.  Now, they are using right wing mud slinging within their own party.  I say Barack and Hillary get on the same page for unity’s sake.  One big oiled liberal machine is a lot tougher to beat than a fragmented party.  To ease this process, I suggest Hillary and Barack experiment with some very intimate karma sutra techniques.

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08
Mar
08

Clinton doesn’t wear briefs in Canada

According to Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Hillary Clinton’s campaign did not brief the PMO on any aspect of her stance on NAFTA. NAFTA-gate has hurt Barack Obama’s chances of winning the White House. Allegations of double-talking and political posturing have plagued Obama ever since, probably aiding in his loss of both Texas and Ohio primaries. I think Clinton and Obama should come on up to Canada in their briefs and go for a cold dip in the chilling waters of Lake Superior. Surely that would be warmer their relationship as of late.

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08
Mar
08

A Major Election Issue: tax returns

Barack’s camp has criticized Senator Clinton’s delay of releasing her tax returns until April 15. What a major issue for the country. If I release my tax returns can I become president? I don’t have any experience in health care, environmental or security policies though, is that ok?

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08
Mar
08

Dancing in the Streets!

A Republican congressman from Iowa has stated that if Barack Obama becomes president, that terrorists would be dancing in the streets. He thinks that having a “Hussein” as president would be viewed as a terrorist victory. His office even re-enacted what would happen if Obama won in the following video:

08
Mar
08

Hillary Clinton, embrace your inner monster

An adviser to the Obama campaign referred to Hillary Clinton as a monster. Now, usually I would say being a monster is not good. I also agree with the resignation of Samantha Power, the hot-headed red-head who made the comments. However, if I was running for office and my main competitors were referring to me as a monster, I am not sure that I would actually be all that offended. I would think that the other camp was feeling intimidated and inferior. Hillary, embrace your inner Monster!!!!

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05
Mar
08

Hillary stomps on Obama’s balls in Ohio and Texas

Hillary Clinton has made up some ground, winning Texas, Ohio and Rhode Island.  Poor Rhode Island, nobody ever talks about them, but they did select Clinton as their candidate.  Maybe Rhode Island needs to sexy themselves up to attract some attention.  On a similar note, maybe Barack could clinch the nomination by taking his shirt off!

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03
Mar
08

NAFTA rears its ugly head…

NAFTA has become an issue again, as documents given to Canadians are published by the Associated Press. The suggestions have been that Obama’s discussion of renegotiating NAFTA is political hot air and not to be taken seriously. As a result, Hillary Clinton soars in the polls in Ohio, just the day before the major primaries in that state and Texas. Perhaps Obama could gain ground by suggesting a negotiation of the constitution and the refund/exchange policies at Best Buy. Goddamn VCR!

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